Earth 2008 - Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet

Former Vice President Al Gore, who for the past three decades has unsuccessfully attempted to warn humanity of the coming destruction of our plane,t only to be mocked and derided by the very people he is try to save, launched his infant son into space Monday in a faint hope that his only child would reach the safety of another world.

"I tried to warn them but the elders of this planet would not listen", said Gore who in 2000 was nearly banished to a featureless realm of nonexistence for promoting his unpopular message.

"They called me foolish and laughed at my predictions, yet even now the Midwest is flooded, the ice caps are melting and the cities are rocked with tremors just as I foretold. Why didn't a they heed me before it was too late".

Al Gore, or as he is known in his own language Gore-Al placed his son Kal-Al gently in the one passenger rocket ship, his brow furrowed by the great weight he carried in preserving the sole survivor of humanities hubristic folly.

"There is nothing left now but to ensure that my infant son does not meet the same fate as the rest of my doomed race" Gore said. "I will send him to a new planet where he wil,l I hope, be raised by simple but kindly countryfolk and grow up to be a hero and protector to his adopted home".

As the Rocket soared through the Goar Estates retractable solar paneled roof, installed three years ago to save energy and provide emergency rocket launch capability in the event that Gore's campaign to save earth was unsuccessfu,l the onetime presidential candidate and his wife Tipper stood arm in arm and nobly facing their end while gazing up in stoic dignity at the receding rocket with the ecosystem already beginning to collapse around them.

In the final moments before the earth's destruction Gore expressed hope that his son would one day grow up to carry on his mission by fighting for truth and justice and the American way elsewhere in the universe using his earth given superpowers to become a champion of the downtrodden and a reducer of carbon emissions across the Galaxy.

"Perhaps he will succeed where I have failed" Gore said.

Despite the child's humble beginnings, experts predict the intergalactic journey may have some extraordinary effects on Kal-Al's physique eyesight and potentially his powers of quiet sensible persuasion on his new planit. Kal-Al's Earth physiology will react to the radiation of a differently colored sun causing him to develop abilities far beyond those of mortal men political analyst Sig Schuster said. He will be faster than a speeding prius, stronger than the existing Superfund program and able to leap mountains of red tape in a single bound. The superpowers will sustain him in his never ending battle against conservatives wealthy industrialists and other environmental super villains.

Although Gore and his wife of voiced regrets that they could not accompany their son on his journey, they tried their best to equip Kal-Al. for life on his new planet by providing the infant with a keynote slide show presentation of all human knowledge, a self growing crystal fortress from which to monitor glacier shrinkage and a copy of Al Gore's bestseller 'earth in the balance'.

The baby was wrapped in a blanket emblazoned with the Gore family crest, which because it is made of earth materials, will be invulnerable on the new planet. It is hoped that one day it will be fashioned into a colorful costume for the boy to wear while fighting wrongdoers.

In brightly hued tights, it will be harder for people there to ignore him when he takes on his new planets lobbyists, auto manufacturers and enemies of justice. A bold and eye-catching unitard will give Kal-Al, a last son of Earth, a formidable tool for protecting his new planet, a power more awesome than any his father could've dreamed of - the power of charisma.